The Life of 3.14

Beyond the “Getting to Know You” First Day Handouts

Last week, I talked about my own background as a student and how that led me to become a teacher, as well as my thoughts on using humor in the classroom. This week, I’d like to talk about making real connections with the students in your room. Although the internet and cell phones have made kids more connected to the world as a whole, I do believe their own social interactions have also decreased with their current dependence on the internet and phones. Technology advancements are all great and good, but being able to build real human relationships should never go out of style. It’s insane to me that a student can sit next to another student for eight straight months and yet not know their name!

To help tackle that issue, I hope to be able to model relationship building to my students on an everyday basis. I’m far from a perfect teacher, but the one thing I’ve consistently been able to do throughout my career is build a solid rapport with my students. I’ve taught in just about every environment at this point—from schools with an 80% minority population to an all-boys private school—and the one constant has been the ability to build relationships.

As a young teacher, I assumed it was just because I was close to them in age. Now that I’m 55, I’d say it’s actually become easier—which isn’t something I imagined happening when I started out in my 20s. While it might feel more natural to connect when you’re closer to their age, as you get older, you learn some “tricks of the trade” that help you build a better toolbox for connecting with kids.

Although I teach math—specifically AP Calculus, where everything is judged by State, National, and AP scores—my number one goal isn’t actually standards-based. It’s supporting a student’s holistic well-being. If you read my first post, you know I had a troubled childhood, and the one thing I remember from that time is that there were zero relationships built with the adults in my life. Sure, part of that was on me, but a lot of it was because the adults didn’t even try to connect. That shouldn’t be the case, and I hope you agree.

So, here are some of my top strategies for bridging the gap between teacher and student:

1. Don’t throw away those first-day “Getting to Know You” activities.
If you still have them, take a look at them now. If you have a troubled kid or two, look at their interests and try to meet them at their comfort level. I keep a spreadsheet for all my students listing their interests and, most importantly, what activities they do outside of school (sports, clubs, hobbies). Asking them how a game went or mentioning an upcoming event makes a world of difference. If they play a sport, I check the scores and stats every morning before school so I can ask them for details. If you make it a habit, it’s easy to follow through.

2. Believe in the power of touch.
Don’t be creepy, obviously, but a high-five, “giving pounds,” or a simple handshake goes a long way. Depending on the time, I greet my kids at the door or catch them on the way out to give them that daily “touch.” A lot of them love trying to make the loudest high-fives possible. It becomes such an ingrained thing that we even do it when we run into each other in the hallways. It sounds silly, but it works.

3. Make homework checks into personal “check-ins.”
There are all kinds of ways to check homework, but I prefer going from person to person at the beginning of class. While students work on a warm-up, I take my time to find out how they are doing—not just in math, but in life. If a student didn’t do the work, find out why. Sure, some are just lazy, but you’ll find that others had a “life” story that got in the way. Empathizing and giving a time extension lets them know you care more about them than a grade. That simple shift actually makes them more motivated. Plus, this is the perfect time to use that “getting to know you” info!

4. Leave time for storytelling.
I’ve been teaching on a block schedule for over 25 years, which means I have nearly an hour and a half to teach math. Know what kids don’t want to do? Learn math for 90 minutes straight! To break the monotony, I try to tell a story about once a week. Some are current; some have a moral or a punchline; but most are about me messing something up. Being unsure of yourself is a huge part of being a kid. Knowing that adults still feel that way sometimes goes a long way in connecting with the class as a whole.

5. Be yourself!
Define what is important to you and how you’d describe yourself. If you’re a nerd, a jock, an artist, or whatever—great! Be that person and don’t be afraid to share it. To a kid, you’re never going to be “cool,” but you can at least be authentic. My thing is music; I couldn’t live without it, so there is always music playing in my room. I don’t care if the kids like it; it fits who I am. Some teachers dress funky, others wear team gear, and in my math universe, some wear cringe ironic math t-shirts. All of it helps develop an authentic self. In a world of social media and “fake” everything, having an adult who “keeps it real” is a refreshing change for them.

6. Listen to what they have to say.
Done with the lesson early? Super. That’s a wonderful time to empower your kids to discuss what they think about the world. This generation is so much more aware of world events than mine was. We tend to think they’re just watching blooper reels and TikToks, but they are keeping up with the news in a way that’s unrecognizable to someone my age who only had a newspaper. They are tired of hearing that they’re disengaged. I’ve found the opposite to be true, because I’ve asked them. Bring up a topic—AI, the job market, the cost of living, even politics—and then just sit back and listen. Offer no thoughts of your own; just be an active listener. You’d be amazed how much you’ll learn from them.

As I mentioned in my first post, this is NOT a blog for those looking for heavy pedagogical language. If you want more traditional ideas on building relationships, there is no better source than Edutopia. They have tons of great ideas, and here is one of my favorites: Building Relationships in Math Class.

What I hope to provide is straight talk and a conversational look at being the best teachers we can be. My next post will be about setting teaching goals that are meaningful to YOU. Thanks for reading!